Full report of my Twitter coverage of the 2008 Junos
Apologies for the random misspellings and grammar issues. The fact that I wrote the entirety of this report on my cell phone, however, should ease the pain a little. I’d edit it, but then I’d end up with this weird disparity between the Twitter report and the real report, and I’d get criticized for selling out to Doritos.
Anyways, here it is, the Twitter report of the 2008 Juno awards, live from Calgary, Alberta, Canada.
-In a cab on the way to the junos party. Apparently feist has already won two awards in the pre show
-Ben Mulroney is my idol, but only hair wise
-Lanny mc fucking Donald just showed up on the red carpet. This show is worth it already.
-hedly watch: giant white sunglasses, fedora as regularly advertised
-Feist is running around giving people free tickets and making nobody care about michael buble
-Everyone in the country that makes music in the room and they open the show with 5 nobody country singers. Terrific.
-Russell simmons is hosting. In front of 30 feet of oil drums. Is stomp performing?
-It took 3 minutes to get a cowboys and Indians joke
-first award: single of the year goes to - no surprise - 1234 - who is totally cuting it up
-She wrote her speech on her arm. Awwww
-Russel is stalking avril backstage. Creepy. Oh and no surprise avril sucks live
-But she has a canadian flag on her ass so its okay
-I’m being told to leave avril alone already
-Country band of the year goes to paul brandt who is wearing a pink shirt. Also had to read the words”thank you jesus’
-And now a montage of all the awards that don’t matter like album of the year
-The 20 kids onstage playing violin end up being an intro for the rainbow butt monkeys
-Pop album of the year goes to feist. Anne murray was wobbed
-I’ve been calling russel peters russel simons this whole time. Damn you mulrooney!
-And now a high school sax player.
-And then an oscar peterson tribute. Suck on that, new episode of family guy three channels over
-Russel is interviewing gay 11 year olds in the crowd now
-Feist is singing sea lion woman and totally rocking out in heart tights. The crowd is finally waking up
-Everybody clap!
-Dorito sponsored fan choice award goes to doritos sponsored michael buble.
-Holy shit he thanked Doritos
-Triumph tribute coming up. Performed most likely by triumph
-Wait, anne murray? View swerved us!
-Ah jan arden! Good god! The contemporary soft pop world is literally standing still
-And then anne stops to make out with both of them. See, people would watch that, i think
-And now the triumph tribute. Montage city!
-The prerequisite suckup calgary hockey jersey. Go flames!
-It might be unfair, but i always confuse triumph and spinal tap
-New group of the year goes to wintersleep, the only good band in the arena. Also, worst dressed
-And now hedley with way too much disco ball. The fedora rules all
-Really uncomfortable scene backstage with peter and arden. She calls him mike bullard. Kind of awesome.
-Michael buble performs, making it painfully clear what to get your mom for mothers day
-You know it’s calgary when even buble wears jeans
-Finally, group of the year goes to blue rodeo. Could have seen that coming twenty arcade fire albums away
-One award left to go. Though the show is only 2 hours, it’s really been going on since last night. We don’t take shortcuts in Canada
-I do believe the shout out to the late jeff healey was sponsored by crest
-Album of the year goes to feist. That makes her now officially done in the eyes of the indieverse
-Finally, jully black belts it and makes every man in the room feel insignificant
-All in all not a bad awards show for something so corporate. Could have used more indie but that’s wishfull thinking.
-Also, doing this by cell phone is easier than i thought
-Just realized that he said “fedora” when he mean to say “pompadour.” As in, Hedley’s “pompadour” could lead us all to the promised land.
